Fuck - I got black out drunk and I can't remember what happened after like 1:30am.
I DO remember my friend's girl telling me that her friend, if she didn't have a boyfriend, would hook up with me. Too bad her boyfriend was at her side while saying this. But maybe some groundwork was...ahem...laid.
So I woke up this morning with my contacts in, half my clothes still on, and the contents of my pockets - $6 in singles, 3 pieces of Winterfresh, and a wallet sans debit and/or credit cards - strewn across my floor. Plan A for the night was set into motion a long, long time ago; however, do to a case of bad timing, that fell through. So earlier this week, I launched a precarious Plan B. But as somewhat expected, that didn't materialize. So yeah, the events of last night were not what I had in mind but when Plan B fell through, I guess Plan BAC took over. Let's hope that something positive came from yesterday...but I'm not counting on it.
Kids: Don't drink - ever.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The K Zone
Gentlemen (I presume no ladies would waste their time on such dreck),
If this is your first time reading this blog and you have no significant interactions with me prior, you may be shocked to hear this: I am the unabashed king of strikeouts. I am the Nolan Ryan of strikeouts, just light years ahead of my peers. And I don't mean it in a good way - my strikeouts are legendary because of their embarassing nature and I am damn fucking proud of it. I mean, anyone can stike out here and there, but to do so on a regular and on such a spectacular basis? Well dear readers, I feel I am one of a kind.
Tonight, for example, I went out for drinks with friends not too far away from work and not too far away from home. In an series of unfortunate (or fortunate) of events, I ended up at an open bar for a girl I did not know well but I did manage to get cockblocked from by her 6'4" redneck brother previously on the 4th of July. Now normally, that would be bad enough. But not for me, that was only the tip of the iceberg. For you see, also at this open bar was a co-worker of a very close friend. Now the deal (come on, you knew there was deal) with this one was that she had denied me less than 2 weeks prior after insisting to my friend FOR 3 MONTHS that should I ask her out. So I did, thinking that I somehow had cracked the fucking Sphinx code to the female brain, but lo and behold, I got denied. Well, here I am, standing with a Black & Tan in hand, watching these two succubuses that had both denied me in July. So I didn't know exactly what these she-devils were up to - were they in cahoosts? was God just fucking with me? when would my dry spell end? - but I anticipated it would be a fun ride. And yet, it turned out to be anticlimactic. Girl 1, the formerly sure thing, the coworker of my friend, turned out to be OK to hang out with (which, along with her phat ass, is why I was into her in the first place) and Girl 2 didn't even remember me, though she kept making those googly eyes at me all night that drunk white bitches tend to do. The only good that came out of the whole night is was the launch of this regular blog update. Coming up next will be my first real-life encounter with an unabashed and ridiculously drunk coke whore. I got a free cigarette and a slice of pizza out of that one, which was one of the better end results.
And also, coming up this week is the b-day party of very good friend. To get an idea of the what I expect from this party - 2 years ago, at the celebration for this kid, I was completely blacked outl, hooked up with a random chick, and climbed into my friends' place @ 6:30am ala Jack Bauer...last year, I apparently took advantage of a girl, though I contest that charge given that my BAC was approximately 0.30. If you're blacked out, it doesn't count, right occifer? This year, all bets are off. Worry not, an update awaits.
Summa, summa, summa time
If this is your first time reading this blog and you have no significant interactions with me prior, you may be shocked to hear this: I am the unabashed king of strikeouts. I am the Nolan Ryan of strikeouts, just light years ahead of my peers. And I don't mean it in a good way - my strikeouts are legendary because of their embarassing nature and I am damn fucking proud of it. I mean, anyone can stike out here and there, but to do so on a regular and on such a spectacular basis? Well dear readers, I feel I am one of a kind.
Tonight, for example, I went out for drinks with friends not too far away from work and not too far away from home. In an series of unfortunate (or fortunate) of events, I ended up at an open bar for a girl I did not know well but I did manage to get cockblocked from by her 6'4" redneck brother previously on the 4th of July. Now normally, that would be bad enough. But not for me, that was only the tip of the iceberg. For you see, also at this open bar was a co-worker of a very close friend. Now the deal (come on, you knew there was deal) with this one was that she had denied me less than 2 weeks prior after insisting to my friend FOR 3 MONTHS that should I ask her out. So I did, thinking that I somehow had cracked the fucking Sphinx code to the female brain, but lo and behold, I got denied. Well, here I am, standing with a Black & Tan in hand, watching these two succubuses that had both denied me in July. So I didn't know exactly what these she-devils were up to - were they in cahoosts? was God just fucking with me? when would my dry spell end? - but I anticipated it would be a fun ride. And yet, it turned out to be anticlimactic. Girl 1, the formerly sure thing, the coworker of my friend, turned out to be OK to hang out with (which, along with her phat ass, is why I was into her in the first place) and Girl 2 didn't even remember me, though she kept making those googly eyes at me all night that drunk white bitches tend to do. The only good that came out of the whole night is was the launch of this regular blog update. Coming up next will be my first real-life encounter with an unabashed and ridiculously drunk coke whore. I got a free cigarette and a slice of pizza out of that one, which was one of the better end results.
And also, coming up this week is the b-day party of very good friend. To get an idea of the what I expect from this party - 2 years ago, at the celebration for this kid, I was completely blacked outl, hooked up with a random chick, and climbed into my friends' place @ 6:30am ala Jack Bauer...last year, I apparently took advantage of a girl, though I contest that charge given that my BAC was approximately 0.30. If you're blacked out, it doesn't count, right occifer? This year, all bets are off. Worry not, an update awaits.
Summa, summa, summa time
Monday, July 21, 2008
[film] "The Dark Knight"
Ok, so I really liked the movie and I think I want to watch it again as it was fun and I want to catch things in more detail, perhaps even in IMAX. However I was suckered in by the hype and the reviews. It’s probably the best super hero movie of all time, but it’s not really that amazing a “real movie”. Let’s keep it informal ok?
Disappointed: Christian Bale – This is my guy, but I wish he got to play Bruce Wayne more than Batman. That suit and the voice machine or whatever really hurts him. He’s such a great actor, but it’s like MJ trying to play with a 50 pound ball and chain shackled to him or the other MJ with AIDS, sure it's him, but not the same. Bruce Wayne is probably every guy’s fantasy, he is THE man. I always preferred Batman to Superman, because even though Superman obviously has the better powers, Batman gets to be Bruce Wayne, Superman has to be Clark Kent, no contest.
Thought was great – Aaron Eckhardt. Everyone is on Heath Ledger’s jock, but what about Aaron Eckhardt as Harvey Dent? I thought this performance was masterful. When he became Two Face, the costume design/CGI was totally badass. Although I guess I really didn’t understand too much why he was so mad at James Gordon, that kinda didn’t make sense. He should’ve really been out to seek vengeance on the Joker, but whatever I’ll let that slide, because I think he gives the best performance. I wish he didn’t die and they could have used him for the next installment.
Gordon – He had the same exact haircut as Bale, there were like 5 times I thought it was Bale when they were showing a Gordon scene and showed the back of his head first, the stache gave it away quick, but still… His character was weak (my lead comment was about his hair cut, should say something) – the whole faking his death thing was a little retarded. Gary Oldman is a good actor, one of my fave roles is him as the hijacker in Air Force One. I’m a little disappointed with his performance.
Maggie Gyllenhaal – Awesome! One of my favorite actresses, she was a 98% improvement over Katie Holmes. Ok so she’s not really “hot” in the traditional sense, but there is something about her, cute but a bit off (in a good way)… Anyway, great performance. I still think of her performance in "The Secretary", if you haven't seen it yet, do it now, thank me later.
Morgan Freeman/Michael Caine – Caine was decent, Freeman was passable, but that’s the best I can say about him. Enjoy the money fellas.
Good – Heath Ledger. He was more scary than funny, unlike Nicholson, who was more funny than scary. However, he did find ways to inject some humor into his role, I appreciated it. Not much I can say here that hasn’t been said elsewhere. However, I don’t think his performance warrants a “best actor” nomination, maybe “best supporting actor”, but not “best actor”. The only posthumous award he should be getting is from Philip Seymour Hoffman, who should do the right thing and give up his Oscar because Ledger got stiffed a couple years back. He should’ve also gotten the Oscar, hiyo! Sorry couldn't resist, $1 Jay Leno.
Other – cut out about 30 min, it’s too long. Has the director ever gone to a ballet? The ballerinas depicted in the movie looked, um structurally unsound, real ballerinas are built like gymnasts. Not that I'm complaining, but wondering if it was an inside joke or something.
The citizens – bad job, shame on all of you. Really, you want to give up Batman to the Joker because he’s caused your problems? You ungrateful bit*hes. WTF, I just don’t get it, hasn’t he cleaned up your streets and now he’s the bad guy because the Joker says so? Bah!
I’m sure I’ll think of more things, and perhaps have an update if I see it again, but that’s it for now.
Ubrnoodle
Lead Film Critic – The No Homers Club
The Dark Knight - Shabadu's review (rhyming not intentional)
First, the disclaimer. I moved to this country when I was 3 years old. For my first Halloween, at age 4, my 3 older female cousins decided to dress me up as a girl. I had no say in the matter and needless to say, that Halloween sucked balls. At age 5, when I was in kindergarten, I had my chance at revenge. I got to pick my own costume. Ah so much to choose from...cowboys, Ghostbusters, firemen, racecar driver...and lo...look at this...Superman! But wait...what is this...why, it is...the Batman. And so yes, I chose Batman over Superman. Since then, along with the help of a few select comic books and the single best superhero cartoon ever, Batman: The Animated Series, the Caped Crusader became my super of choice. Sure, he wasn't borne out of some nuclear blast or radioactive lizard bite or even from another planet - but that was precisely what made him cool. He was a regular guy (well, a regular billionaire) who wanted to kick ass and did precisely that. So yeah, I went into this movie with some history, and I really, realy wanted to like it. My expectations were high.
You know that feeling when there's so much tension and pressure building and when it all comes to a head, you're either left feeling invigorated or completely let down? Happens ALL the time in sports, lots of times with the opposite sex, and yeah, even some of the time with films. In situations like this, there's no middle ground. We put ourselves in those positions where 50% of the time, we're left dejected and distraught...but we know that the other 50% of the time, pure bliss awaits. Well, as far as movies go, that's what I felt throughout this movie. There was a smile carved into my face from the opening shot to the first credit. It wasn't flawless - a little long - but I can honestly say that considering this movie received as much, if not more hype than anything since Titanic, it's a minor miracle that the review above me is the first one that I've read that hasn't gushed over it.
Sidebar: Keep in mind the prior reviewer's taste, dear readers. For you see, Ubrnoodle prides himself on watching "films" not movies. He is a film snob, the type who chooses movies based on how few screens it plays on, the same type of person who would chide you for bumping Jay-Z's new record instead of the latest B-side by Black Thought (the irony, of course, is that Ubrnoodle is the anti-music snob, he loves the mainstream Jay-Z and has no idea who Black Thought is, but I digress).
Now, here's my opinion on different facets of the Dark Knight experience:
The Movie: the single best superhero movie ever. This was a movie for adults that happened to be based on a comic book. But not "for adults" in the way that Sin City was. As a regular movie, no, you won't find symbols about the materialistic soullessness capitalism breeds or some other stupid shit that poor/self-important people have time to waste thinking about. I would put this in the class of a Bourne movie, which is an action film with brains. Now, a Bourne movie won't win any Oscars, but it's damn fun and that's ultimately one of the reasons we watch movies to being with. And there are legitimate questions the film about "purpose" - which is really what all the best novels and films try to answer or at least explore. But yes, I saw the movie twice and definitely noticed the extra length the second time around thatswhatshesaid. However, even with that, I'd recommend catching this in IMAX - if ever there was a movie that should be enjoyed in that setting, it's this. The sound difference alone is worht the extra $2.
The Acting:
Bale - very good, not great. But to be honest, this was never meant to be Bale's picture. Batman has always been the Dark Knight. Moreseo than any other comic book character, Batman has been about the villains and their story. Gotham is much more fleshed out than any other superhero's city and that's because of how much we know about every villain's background and impetus for action. Begins was all about Batman, TDK was about the Joker first and Two-Face second, with Batman really being the thread that binds.
Eckhart - I agree, I think his performance was underrated. His transformation from the white knight to a shell of shattered do-gooder was almost bilbical, almost Job-like in nature. I think this was underrated, mostly because people saw his role as the reason for the added length of the film and forgot how good he actually was from start to finish.
Gyllenhaal - WAY better than Katie Holmes. Also way less hot, but I'm not a big fan of Katie and the confused, "did someone just fart?" scrunched up face she always makes. This was a good move and they killed the character off too, so that's fantastic.
Caine, Freeman - Elder statesman that just make anything they are in better. And this movie is no exception.
Ledger - I was a believer in this guy after I saw Brokeback. Yes, I saw Brokeback Mountain...and I thought it was pretty damn good. Without Ledger, it would have been that queer cowboy movie. With him, it was a poignant, well-acted, legitimately moving (no, not down there) modern tale of forbidden love. The only other person I thought would have been great for the Joker was the always weird, always interesting Crispin Glover. So yeah...Ledger was a source of disappointment. But the disappointment came from the fact that he will never have a chance to reprise this role. I considered this the best movie villainy since Hopkins in his first turn as Lecter in Silence of the Lambs, even better than Bardem in No Country. The guy would come in screen, have you laughing at something ridiculous he's doing, then you'd start to get a little nervous, and before you know it, he's got a knife in someone's teeth and you're insides were in knots...waiting, dreading, but unable to turn away. He invoked a visceral reaction everytime he was on-screen. I don't know if this was a more difficult role than in Brokeback, but you had to remind yourself that Ledger was in the movie. As long as the character was on-screen, Heath Ledger did not exist...it was simply The Joker, personified. Brilliant performance, brilliant writing for the character, and it's a shame we won't get to see any more of the Joker or any more of Ledger.
The Directing/writing - again, Nolan continues to deliver. He's really put together an extremely impressive list of contemporary classics. And I like that he doesn't seem to work on the standard fare that the Academy seems to love, i.e. epics, period pieces, stories about the retarded. He just makes tense, thoughtful, engrossing movies and I'm really hope he's at the helm for the next Batman. He and Bale are really the Dynamic Duo.
Oh yes, please say no to Robin for the next one.
Best overall experience I've had in a long time at the movies. Overall, thought it was a fantastic, fun film - exactly what you want in a movie like this. If you were looking forsomething else, I have to ask - why so serious?
Disappointed: Christian Bale – This is my guy, but I wish he got to play Bruce Wayne more than Batman. That suit and the voice machine or whatever really hurts him. He’s such a great actor, but it’s like MJ trying to play with a 50 pound ball and chain shackled to him or the other MJ with AIDS, sure it's him, but not the same. Bruce Wayne is probably every guy’s fantasy, he is THE man. I always preferred Batman to Superman, because even though Superman obviously has the better powers, Batman gets to be Bruce Wayne, Superman has to be Clark Kent, no contest.
Thought was great – Aaron Eckhardt. Everyone is on Heath Ledger’s jock, but what about Aaron Eckhardt as Harvey Dent? I thought this performance was masterful. When he became Two Face, the costume design/CGI was totally badass. Although I guess I really didn’t understand too much why he was so mad at James Gordon, that kinda didn’t make sense. He should’ve really been out to seek vengeance on the Joker, but whatever I’ll let that slide, because I think he gives the best performance. I wish he didn’t die and they could have used him for the next installment.
Gordon – He had the same exact haircut as Bale, there were like 5 times I thought it was Bale when they were showing a Gordon scene and showed the back of his head first, the stache gave it away quick, but still… His character was weak (my lead comment was about his hair cut, should say something) – the whole faking his death thing was a little retarded. Gary Oldman is a good actor, one of my fave roles is him as the hijacker in Air Force One. I’m a little disappointed with his performance.
Maggie Gyllenhaal – Awesome! One of my favorite actresses, she was a 98% improvement over Katie Holmes. Ok so she’s not really “hot” in the traditional sense, but there is something about her, cute but a bit off (in a good way)… Anyway, great performance. I still think of her performance in "The Secretary", if you haven't seen it yet, do it now, thank me later.
Morgan Freeman/Michael Caine – Caine was decent, Freeman was passable, but that’s the best I can say about him. Enjoy the money fellas.
Good – Heath Ledger. He was more scary than funny, unlike Nicholson, who was more funny than scary. However, he did find ways to inject some humor into his role, I appreciated it. Not much I can say here that hasn’t been said elsewhere. However, I don’t think his performance warrants a “best actor” nomination, maybe “best supporting actor”, but not “best actor”. The only posthumous award he should be getting is from Philip Seymour Hoffman, who should do the right thing and give up his Oscar because Ledger got stiffed a couple years back. He should’ve also gotten the Oscar, hiyo! Sorry couldn't resist, $1 Jay Leno.
Other – cut out about 30 min, it’s too long. Has the director ever gone to a ballet? The ballerinas depicted in the movie looked, um structurally unsound, real ballerinas are built like gymnasts. Not that I'm complaining, but wondering if it was an inside joke or something.
The citizens – bad job, shame on all of you. Really, you want to give up Batman to the Joker because he’s caused your problems? You ungrateful bit*hes. WTF, I just don’t get it, hasn’t he cleaned up your streets and now he’s the bad guy because the Joker says so? Bah!
I’m sure I’ll think of more things, and perhaps have an update if I see it again, but that’s it for now.
Ubrnoodle
Lead Film Critic – The No Homers Club
The Dark Knight - Shabadu's review (rhyming not intentional)
First, the disclaimer. I moved to this country when I was 3 years old. For my first Halloween, at age 4, my 3 older female cousins decided to dress me up as a girl. I had no say in the matter and needless to say, that Halloween sucked balls. At age 5, when I was in kindergarten, I had my chance at revenge. I got to pick my own costume. Ah so much to choose from...cowboys, Ghostbusters, firemen, racecar driver...and lo...look at this...Superman! But wait...what is this...why, it is...the Batman. And so yes, I chose Batman over Superman. Since then, along with the help of a few select comic books and the single best superhero cartoon ever, Batman: The Animated Series, the Caped Crusader became my super of choice. Sure, he wasn't borne out of some nuclear blast or radioactive lizard bite or even from another planet - but that was precisely what made him cool. He was a regular guy (well, a regular billionaire) who wanted to kick ass and did precisely that. So yeah, I went into this movie with some history, and I really, realy wanted to like it. My expectations were high.
You know that feeling when there's so much tension and pressure building and when it all comes to a head, you're either left feeling invigorated or completely let down? Happens ALL the time in sports, lots of times with the opposite sex, and yeah, even some of the time with films. In situations like this, there's no middle ground. We put ourselves in those positions where 50% of the time, we're left dejected and distraught...but we know that the other 50% of the time, pure bliss awaits. Well, as far as movies go, that's what I felt throughout this movie. There was a smile carved into my face from the opening shot to the first credit. It wasn't flawless - a little long - but I can honestly say that considering this movie received as much, if not more hype than anything since Titanic, it's a minor miracle that the review above me is the first one that I've read that hasn't gushed over it.
Sidebar: Keep in mind the prior reviewer's taste, dear readers. For you see, Ubrnoodle prides himself on watching "films" not movies. He is a film snob, the type who chooses movies based on how few screens it plays on, the same type of person who would chide you for bumping Jay-Z's new record instead of the latest B-side by Black Thought (the irony, of course, is that Ubrnoodle is the anti-music snob, he loves the mainstream Jay-Z and has no idea who Black Thought is, but I digress).
Now, here's my opinion on different facets of the Dark Knight experience:
The Movie: the single best superhero movie ever. This was a movie for adults that happened to be based on a comic book. But not "for adults" in the way that Sin City was. As a regular movie, no, you won't find symbols about the materialistic soullessness capitalism breeds or some other stupid shit that poor/self-important people have time to waste thinking about. I would put this in the class of a Bourne movie, which is an action film with brains. Now, a Bourne movie won't win any Oscars, but it's damn fun and that's ultimately one of the reasons we watch movies to being with. And there are legitimate questions the film about "purpose" - which is really what all the best novels and films try to answer or at least explore. But yes, I saw the movie twice and definitely noticed the extra length the second time around thatswhatshesaid. However, even with that, I'd recommend catching this in IMAX - if ever there was a movie that should be enjoyed in that setting, it's this. The sound difference alone is worht the extra $2.
The Acting:
Bale - very good, not great. But to be honest, this was never meant to be Bale's picture. Batman has always been the Dark Knight. Moreseo than any other comic book character, Batman has been about the villains and their story. Gotham is much more fleshed out than any other superhero's city and that's because of how much we know about every villain's background and impetus for action. Begins was all about Batman, TDK was about the Joker first and Two-Face second, with Batman really being the thread that binds.
Eckhart - I agree, I think his performance was underrated. His transformation from the white knight to a shell of shattered do-gooder was almost bilbical, almost Job-like in nature. I think this was underrated, mostly because people saw his role as the reason for the added length of the film and forgot how good he actually was from start to finish.
Gyllenhaal - WAY better than Katie Holmes. Also way less hot, but I'm not a big fan of Katie and the confused, "did someone just fart?" scrunched up face she always makes. This was a good move and they killed the character off too, so that's fantastic.
Caine, Freeman - Elder statesman that just make anything they are in better. And this movie is no exception.
Ledger - I was a believer in this guy after I saw Brokeback. Yes, I saw Brokeback Mountain...and I thought it was pretty damn good. Without Ledger, it would have been that queer cowboy movie. With him, it was a poignant, well-acted, legitimately moving (no, not down there) modern tale of forbidden love. The only other person I thought would have been great for the Joker was the always weird, always interesting Crispin Glover. So yeah...Ledger was a source of disappointment. But the disappointment came from the fact that he will never have a chance to reprise this role. I considered this the best movie villainy since Hopkins in his first turn as Lecter in Silence of the Lambs, even better than Bardem in No Country. The guy would come in screen, have you laughing at something ridiculous he's doing, then you'd start to get a little nervous, and before you know it, he's got a knife in someone's teeth and you're insides were in knots...waiting, dreading, but unable to turn away. He invoked a visceral reaction everytime he was on-screen. I don't know if this was a more difficult role than in Brokeback, but you had to remind yourself that Ledger was in the movie. As long as the character was on-screen, Heath Ledger did not exist...it was simply The Joker, personified. Brilliant performance, brilliant writing for the character, and it's a shame we won't get to see any more of the Joker or any more of Ledger.
The Directing/writing - again, Nolan continues to deliver. He's really put together an extremely impressive list of contemporary classics. And I like that he doesn't seem to work on the standard fare that the Academy seems to love, i.e. epics, period pieces, stories about the retarded. He just makes tense, thoughtful, engrossing movies and I'm really hope he's at the helm for the next Batman. He and Bale are really the Dynamic Duo.
Oh yes, please say no to Robin for the next one.
Best overall experience I've had in a long time at the movies. Overall, thought it was a fantastic, fun film - exactly what you want in a movie like this. If you were looking forsomething else, I have to ask - why so serious?
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Art of Sports
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&sid=aeRmNFd5S.Ps&refer=home
This article by Michael Lewis (of Moneyball and Liar's Poker fame) is the latest entry into a long debate over the athletic merits of golf, and more importantly, how do we define essence of a sport. But perhaps most importantly, why do we care so much about what we universally agree to be, at its core, an organized game?
In discussing Lewis' op-ed piece, it is almost impossible to consider the piece without making note of several key "themes" that may influecnce a particular person's judgement, including economics, race, class, and age...
This will be an ongoing discussion, I'm just throwing out the topic and the impetus for said discussion right now. I also plan on speaking about the absolutely brilliant, classy match that was the 2008 Men's Singles Final at Wimbledon, which I think based on the reaction around the tennis world and the sports world as a whole, can lay claim to being one of the greatest exhibitions in recent sports memory.
This article by Michael Lewis (of Moneyball and Liar's Poker fame) is the latest entry into a long debate over the athletic merits of golf, and more importantly, how do we define essence of a sport. But perhaps most importantly, why do we care so much about what we universally agree to be, at its core, an organized game?
In discussing Lewis' op-ed piece, it is almost impossible to consider the piece without making note of several key "themes" that may influecnce a particular person's judgement, including economics, race, class, and age...
This will be an ongoing discussion, I'm just throwing out the topic and the impetus for said discussion right now. I also plan on speaking about the absolutely brilliant, classy match that was the 2008 Men's Singles Final at Wimbledon, which I think based on the reaction around the tennis world and the sports world as a whole, can lay claim to being one of the greatest exhibitions in recent sports memory.
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