The K Zone

Gentlemen (I presume no ladies would waste their time on such dreck),

If this is your first time reading this blog and you have no significant interactions with me prior, you may be shocked to hear this: I am the unabashed king of strikeouts. I am the Nolan Ryan of strikeouts, just light years ahead of my peers. And I don't mean it in a good way - my strikeouts are legendary because of their embarassing nature and I am damn fucking proud of it. I mean, anyone can stike out here and there, but to do so on a regular and on such a spectacular basis? Well dear readers, I feel I am one of a kind.

Tonight, for example, I went out for drinks with friends not too far away from work and not too far away from home. In an series of unfortunate (or fortunate) of events, I ended up at an open bar for a girl I did not know well but I did manage to get cockblocked from by her 6'4" redneck brother previously on the 4th of July. Now normally, that would be bad enough. But not for me, that was only the tip of the iceberg. For you see, also at this open bar was a co-worker of a very close friend. Now the deal (come on, you knew there was deal) with this one was that she had denied me less than 2 weeks prior after insisting to my friend FOR 3 MONTHS that should I ask her out. So I did, thinking that I somehow had cracked the fucking Sphinx code to the female brain, but lo and behold, I got denied. Well, here I am, standing with a Black & Tan in hand, watching these two succubuses that had both denied me in July. So I didn't know exactly what these she-devils were up to - were they in cahoosts? was God just fucking with me? when would my dry spell end? - but I anticipated it would be a fun ride. And yet, it turned out to be anticlimactic. Girl 1, the formerly sure thing, the coworker of my friend, turned out to be OK to hang out with (which, along with her phat ass, is why I was into her in the first place) and Girl 2 didn't even remember me, though she kept making those googly eyes at me all night that drunk white bitches tend to do. The only good that came out of the whole night is was the launch of this regular blog update. Coming up next will be my first real-life encounter with an unabashed and ridiculously drunk coke whore. I got a free cigarette and a slice of pizza out of that one, which was one of the better end results.

And also, coming up this week is the b-day party of very good friend. To get an idea of the what I expect from this party - 2 years ago, at the celebration for this kid, I was completely blacked outl, hooked up with a random chick, and climbed into my friends' place @ 6:30am ala Jack Bauer...last year, I apparently took advantage of a girl, though I contest that charge given that my BAC was approximately 0.30. If you're blacked out, it doesn't count, right occifer? This year, all bets are off. Worry not, an update awaits.

Summa, summa, summa time