As most (all?) of our audience knows, I have nothing but disdain for the common man. However, let me take a moment to get down off this high horse and step up on this soap box and speak on behalf of the masses (N.B. - still on a somewhat elevated platform).
Don’t regulate the internet whatsoever. I love the wild westy status that it currently holds. I would hate to see it become like your average American city. Currently, it’s somewhat settled , but there is still a palpable element of danger out there, where only the brave (feel free to insert your own adjective) dare venture. It’s the one place that has not been disneyfied.
Sure you don’t like that there are idiots running amuck, but this is what you need to accept in a free society. Also, admit it, your pride and comedic sensibility would lead you to ban Kangaroo Boxing, but would the world really be a better place without it?
Also, if anyone out there knows how the internet works, can you please explain it to me? Can you just buy hardware and have a server, and then bam, you can create a domain name? What is the purpose of a place like GoDaddy? Do they just have a bunch of servers, and that’s essentially what you are buying?
I’m so confused. Currently, my understanding is that the internet is a series of tubes. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m wrong.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Internet, version 2.Awesome
The Internet is awesome. What’s not to like? The high-functioning overachievers use it as the Information Superhighway, which completely legitimizes it and keeps it going for the rest of us who prefer to travel the World Wide Web’s scum-filled back alleys. It’s got something for everyone, which is why no matter what it is used for, it will never not be around anymore. We can’t go back to a pre-internet world. But we haven’t reached perfection yet, so instead of just fumbling towards internet ecstasy (yes, that reference was intentional), here are some simple steps that can get us there:
Limit Access – If MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster have done nothing else (other than bringing out the stalker in all of us), they’ve shown us the general level of stupidity that your average person can reach when given the ability to express themselves. The worst part is these sites actually do limit what people can do with their sites and yet people still find ways to give out way too much information, add shiny, idiotic graphics, and post completely inappropriate pictures. So what we see is essentially a microcosm of what would happen if your average idiot (I could myself in this group) ran the world. Street signs would be flashing rainbows, legal documents would contain phrases like “ROFLMFAO” and “1337,” and elections would be decided based on the number of friends you have. So, no, the average person shouldn’t be able to create their own websites or edit their own videos or write their own stupid blogs (Note: I do understand the definition of “irony”) just because they can afford broadband internet access. These “creative types” would be better served helping actually talented people further their endeavors instead of filling the world with mediocrity. For every legitimately funny person, there are thousands of idiots with too much free time on their hands who think they’re accomplishing something of value when all they are doing is making it harder for me to find a clip of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
So I suggest we create some kind of governing body that will eliminate this problem. If you want to post original content on Youtube, you will need to pass some sort of test or meet minimum requirements to prove you aren’t just a 13-year-old latchkey kid who thinks dubbing old Power Rangers clips to have Zordon say “mother f*cker” is comedy gold. Naturally, as a funny-ass mother f*cker myself, I will oversee this division. Other people can be responsible for making sure people who use the Sepia filter on their CoolPix can keep their “art” to themselves or limiting the political nerds to a maximum of 3 uninformed, highly slanted ultraliberal, treehugging / ultraconservative, tree-raping rants per month.
OK, that is Step 1 from me…more to come…in the meantime, any suggestions?
Limit Access – If MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster have done nothing else (other than bringing out the stalker in all of us), they’ve shown us the general level of stupidity that your average person can reach when given the ability to express themselves. The worst part is these sites actually do limit what people can do with their sites and yet people still find ways to give out way too much information, add shiny, idiotic graphics, and post completely inappropriate pictures. So what we see is essentially a microcosm of what would happen if your average idiot (I could myself in this group) ran the world. Street signs would be flashing rainbows, legal documents would contain phrases like “ROFLMFAO” and “1337,” and elections would be decided based on the number of friends you have. So, no, the average person shouldn’t be able to create their own websites or edit their own videos or write their own stupid blogs (Note: I do understand the definition of “irony”) just because they can afford broadband internet access. These “creative types” would be better served helping actually talented people further their endeavors instead of filling the world with mediocrity. For every legitimately funny person, there are thousands of idiots with too much free time on their hands who think they’re accomplishing something of value when all they are doing is making it harder for me to find a clip of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
So I suggest we create some kind of governing body that will eliminate this problem. If you want to post original content on Youtube, you will need to pass some sort of test or meet minimum requirements to prove you aren’t just a 13-year-old latchkey kid who thinks dubbing old Power Rangers clips to have Zordon say “mother f*cker” is comedy gold. Naturally, as a funny-ass mother f*cker myself, I will oversee this division. Other people can be responsible for making sure people who use the Sepia filter on their CoolPix can keep their “art” to themselves or limiting the political nerds to a maximum of 3 uninformed, highly slanted ultraliberal, treehugging / ultraconservative, tree-raping rants per month.
OK, that is Step 1 from me…more to come…in the meantime, any suggestions?
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