[etc] Random Upchuckings

• Few things annoy me more than people who slither through a closing door, making sure to avoid holding said door due to some preposterous fear that they might contract some illness. This in turn causes the person behind them to have a door slammed in their face because one jackass decided that they were above the laws of common decency. The only fitting punishment for these overly germaphobic twits would be sterilization.
• On a recent episode of the fantastic It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, the gang tackles the tough topic of sex in the modern world . Now, the show revolved around the social taboos around human sexuality and the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to expressing individual sexuality. OK, I'm just kidding - they found a gloryhole in the bathroom at their bar and they wanted to use so random women would fellate them. Good times...uh...watching the episode I mean, not using gloryholes. Now this got me wondering - if the whole point of a gloryhole is to facilitate anonymous sex between strangers, who was the first? Someone, at some point in the pre-gloryhole years, had to have been drilling holes in random bathroom stall walls and then hoping that some willing stranger on the other side would take the hint and go to town on Cap'n Sunshine. Otherwise, it would have to have been pre-meditated, which would suck. Nobody wins with premeditated gloryholing. Trust me.
• I like Jake Peavy, but I don't LOVE Jake Peavy. He's not a workhorse. He's pitched his entire career in a pitcher's park. And he's had some injury concerns recently. I don't know - I think the Braves should really think long and hard before pulling the trigger on a Peavy trade, especially if it's as proposed (Jordan Schafer / Tommy Hanson / Kelly Johnson). Let the Mets be the Mets and the Phillies be the Phillies. Regroup, exercise Hudson's 2010 option, hope Jason Heyward is the second coming of Albert Pujols and go from there.
• I am rooting for the Rays because when I close my eyes, it almost sounds like those Tampa Bay fans are chanting "Let's go Braves! Let's go Braves!" Ah, I love this game of self-delusion.
• The movie scene has really sucked for some time now. Honestly, when was the last time a really good movie came out? August? They made three more Saw movies in that time. Get cracking Hollywood, my illegal downloading has slowed considerably.
• I want to see James Bond drinking Incredible Hulks in the new 007 movie.
• LaDanian Tomlinson, Willis McGahee, Tony Romo - my top 3 fantasy picks, which is why I am in 9th place right now.
• Sarah Palin was a bad decision as a VP candidate for many reasons, but I find these attacks on her wardrobe expenses to be troubling. Not because they are sexist or anything but because people aren't calling her out for looking like she actually spent $150K on her outfits. I mean, if you're going to floss it, make sure people can tell. What's the point in buying pantsuits from Saks if they look like they were picked up from the newly relaunched Layaway program at K-Mart? Now you not only look out of touch with your "pro-American"/non-elitist base but you come off like you don't know how to spend money, girlfriend. Which is exactly what this country needs - a leader who doesn't know how to get the most out of a budget. At least you can know John McCain will fight tooth and nail to get that $0.25 off his industrial-size Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
• Ladies, if you go out then wake up in the bed of a random stranger - well, you need to ask yourself one question before you make any judgements. Did you get dressed sober? If yes, and you STILL made a conscious decision to wear no underwear - sorry, it wasn't a roofie, it wasn't the alcohol, it wasn't your friends leaving you. So please, embrace your trampiness and just get rid of all your panties...come on you know you want to...here, try this, there's like no alcohol in it at all...I swear...