As most (all?) of our audience knows, I have nothing but disdain for the common man. However, let me take a moment to get down off this high horse and step up on this soap box and speak on behalf of the masses (N.B. - still on a somewhat elevated platform).
Don’t regulate the internet whatsoever. I love the wild westy status that it currently holds. I would hate to see it become like your average American city. Currently, it’s somewhat settled , but there is still a palpable element of danger out there, where only the brave (feel free to insert your own adjective) dare venture. It’s the one place that has not been disneyfied.
Sure you don’t like that there are idiots running amuck, but this is what you need to accept in a free society. Also, admit it, your pride and comedic sensibility would lead you to ban Kangaroo Boxing, but would the world really be a better place without it?
Also, if anyone out there knows how the internet works, can you please explain it to me? Can you just buy hardware and have a server, and then bam, you can create a domain name? What is the purpose of a place like GoDaddy? Do they just have a bunch of servers, and that’s essentially what you are buying?
I’m so confused. Currently, my understanding is that the internet is a series of tubes. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m wrong.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Internet, version 2.Awesome
The Internet is awesome. What’s not to like? The high-functioning overachievers use it as the Information Superhighway, which completely legitimizes it and keeps it going for the rest of us who prefer to travel the World Wide Web’s scum-filled back alleys. It’s got something for everyone, which is why no matter what it is used for, it will never not be around anymore. We can’t go back to a pre-internet world. But we haven’t reached perfection yet, so instead of just fumbling towards internet ecstasy (yes, that reference was intentional), here are some simple steps that can get us there:
Limit Access – If MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster have done nothing else (other than bringing out the stalker in all of us), they’ve shown us the general level of stupidity that your average person can reach when given the ability to express themselves. The worst part is these sites actually do limit what people can do with their sites and yet people still find ways to give out way too much information, add shiny, idiotic graphics, and post completely inappropriate pictures. So what we see is essentially a microcosm of what would happen if your average idiot (I could myself in this group) ran the world. Street signs would be flashing rainbows, legal documents would contain phrases like “ROFLMFAO” and “1337,” and elections would be decided based on the number of friends you have. So, no, the average person shouldn’t be able to create their own websites or edit their own videos or write their own stupid blogs (Note: I do understand the definition of “irony”) just because they can afford broadband internet access. These “creative types” would be better served helping actually talented people further their endeavors instead of filling the world with mediocrity. For every legitimately funny person, there are thousands of idiots with too much free time on their hands who think they’re accomplishing something of value when all they are doing is making it harder for me to find a clip of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
So I suggest we create some kind of governing body that will eliminate this problem. If you want to post original content on Youtube, you will need to pass some sort of test or meet minimum requirements to prove you aren’t just a 13-year-old latchkey kid who thinks dubbing old Power Rangers clips to have Zordon say “mother f*cker” is comedy gold. Naturally, as a funny-ass mother f*cker myself, I will oversee this division. Other people can be responsible for making sure people who use the Sepia filter on their CoolPix can keep their “art” to themselves or limiting the political nerds to a maximum of 3 uninformed, highly slanted ultraliberal, treehugging / ultraconservative, tree-raping rants per month.
OK, that is Step 1 from me…more to come…in the meantime, any suggestions?
Limit Access – If MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster have done nothing else (other than bringing out the stalker in all of us), they’ve shown us the general level of stupidity that your average person can reach when given the ability to express themselves. The worst part is these sites actually do limit what people can do with their sites and yet people still find ways to give out way too much information, add shiny, idiotic graphics, and post completely inappropriate pictures. So what we see is essentially a microcosm of what would happen if your average idiot (I could myself in this group) ran the world. Street signs would be flashing rainbows, legal documents would contain phrases like “ROFLMFAO” and “1337,” and elections would be decided based on the number of friends you have. So, no, the average person shouldn’t be able to create their own websites or edit their own videos or write their own stupid blogs (Note: I do understand the definition of “irony”) just because they can afford broadband internet access. These “creative types” would be better served helping actually talented people further their endeavors instead of filling the world with mediocrity. For every legitimately funny person, there are thousands of idiots with too much free time on their hands who think they’re accomplishing something of value when all they are doing is making it harder for me to find a clip of a guy getting hit in the nuts.
So I suggest we create some kind of governing body that will eliminate this problem. If you want to post original content on Youtube, you will need to pass some sort of test or meet minimum requirements to prove you aren’t just a 13-year-old latchkey kid who thinks dubbing old Power Rangers clips to have Zordon say “mother f*cker” is comedy gold. Naturally, as a funny-ass mother f*cker myself, I will oversee this division. Other people can be responsible for making sure people who use the Sepia filter on their CoolPix can keep their “art” to themselves or limiting the political nerds to a maximum of 3 uninformed, highly slanted ultraliberal, treehugging / ultraconservative, tree-raping rants per month.
OK, that is Step 1 from me…more to come…in the meantime, any suggestions?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
US? A? Nope, but OK.
In yesterday’s Confederation Cup Final, the US Men’s National soccer team lost 3-2 to Brazil despite taking an improbable but deserved 2-0 lead into the half. On the surface, it would be considered a pretty crushing loss (and, yes, it was) but they proved the skin-of-their-teeth win against Spain was not merely a fluke. That was their goal going into the match and, though they understandably wanted the victory after a cracking first half, Brazil’s victory seemed inevitable even before Luis Fabiano put the Selecao within a goal at the start of the second 45 minutes.. Anyone that knows a thing or two about “footy” knows that for the US team, thought the game itself was ended in a depressing way, the tournament can still be viewed as mission accomplished. Now, instead of wondering how to blow up the team and start all over again, the last two games have shown the US has potential. Clearly, the team is not a soccer superpower, but at the very least, we’ve moved from “third world” to “developing nation.”
Like any country on the rise, the team has its fair share of problems. The biggest problem, it seemed, is that we don’t have a quality midfielder. None of our guys (save maybe Landon) seem to understand the concept of controlling the ball. The midfielders were afraid of holding onto the ball and would just pass it ahead to the forwards at the first sign of pressure. That doesn’t work when you don't have world-class strikers like Wayne Rooney and Fernando Torres upfront. You give up the ball over and over again and, as the US did, spend most matches on your heels while hoping to make the best of the few chances you do get. The strikers we have now are capable of scoring goals but they are not capable of creating goals. The US needs to commit itself to putting patience into practice. In the soccer Bible, patience begats ball control begats opportunities begats goals.
On a related topic, there's all this talk about soccer never being popular in the US. That's BS. Inferior soccer will never be popular here but that’s true of most things. I keep hearing about how the US has been responsible for largest percentage of World Cup ticket purchases and that should be sign enough that there are soccer fans in the US, they just want to watch the best. Soccer, at its bes,t is a flowing battle capable of producing a “holy sh*t!” moment at virtually any point in the match.
The majority of US soccer fans like all sports fans, want to watch a great product, they want to be entertained. The best way, I believe, to “make” soccer popular in the US is broader coverage of the important leagues, i.e. Premier, La Liga, and Serie A, where the world’s best already perform, rather than importing the over-the-hill superstars to the MLS (which is basically the current strategy). That’s not the case with what we have, the MLS. The MLS will not and should not be popular until there’s a concentrated effort in the US to turn its best and brightest up and coming soccer talents into world-class performers. I don’t think that will even have a chance of occurring until there’s a desire by a broad fan base for that to happen. For the MLS to have a chance to become successful, the US needs to promote what it CAN be, not what it is now. And the best way to do that would be to generate interest using other leagues. ESPN recently purchased the rights to air several EPL games next season due to the Setanta Sports bankruptcy, spurred on I’m sure by encouraging ratings from its Champion’s League coverage. That’s a solid start and I hope the network increases its coverage. Fox Soccer Channel is solid, but ESPN and its HD goodness provide an audience that FSC can’t hope to reach at the moment.
Like any country on the rise, the team has its fair share of problems. The biggest problem, it seemed, is that we don’t have a quality midfielder. None of our guys (save maybe Landon) seem to understand the concept of controlling the ball. The midfielders were afraid of holding onto the ball and would just pass it ahead to the forwards at the first sign of pressure. That doesn’t work when you don't have world-class strikers like Wayne Rooney and Fernando Torres upfront. You give up the ball over and over again and, as the US did, spend most matches on your heels while hoping to make the best of the few chances you do get. The strikers we have now are capable of scoring goals but they are not capable of creating goals. The US needs to commit itself to putting patience into practice. In the soccer Bible, patience begats ball control begats opportunities begats goals.
On a related topic, there's all this talk about soccer never being popular in the US. That's BS. Inferior soccer will never be popular here but that’s true of most things. I keep hearing about how the US has been responsible for largest percentage of World Cup ticket purchases and that should be sign enough that there are soccer fans in the US, they just want to watch the best. Soccer, at its bes,t is a flowing battle capable of producing a “holy sh*t!” moment at virtually any point in the match.
The majority of US soccer fans like all sports fans, want to watch a great product, they want to be entertained. The best way, I believe, to “make” soccer popular in the US is broader coverage of the important leagues, i.e. Premier, La Liga, and Serie A, where the world’s best already perform, rather than importing the over-the-hill superstars to the MLS (which is basically the current strategy). That’s not the case with what we have, the MLS. The MLS will not and should not be popular until there’s a concentrated effort in the US to turn its best and brightest up and coming soccer talents into world-class performers. I don’t think that will even have a chance of occurring until there’s a desire by a broad fan base for that to happen. For the MLS to have a chance to become successful, the US needs to promote what it CAN be, not what it is now. And the best way to do that would be to generate interest using other leagues. ESPN recently purchased the rights to air several EPL games next season due to the Setanta Sports bankruptcy, spurred on I’m sure by encouraging ratings from its Champion’s League coverage. That’s a solid start and I hope the network increases its coverage. Fox Soccer Channel is solid, but ESPN and its HD goodness provide an audience that FSC can’t hope to reach at the moment.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Where's the beef?
Monday night’s NCAA championship sucked. It was a blowout and nobody wants to see that. Even UNC’s intro was better. And yet, strangely, it remained watchable for much of the game. I’m not a big follower of college ball. Well, outside of March Madness and the semi-annual Bobby Knight tirade, I don’t follow it at all. And that was mostly because I’ve made the mistake in the past of judging the college game by NBA standards, a mistake I’ve also made with NCAA football. And that’s just dumb because I feel like I’ve missed out on some great college sports moments over the years, things I’ve only seen highlights of on Sportscenter.
I’ve come to look at college sports like I would a hamburger and professional sports as the steak counterpart. College ball is that sloppy, greasy, self-indulgent bacon cheeseburger that you won’t ever leave me feeling quite as content as the perfectly prepared NBA game. Right now, after the relative dullness of the tournament, I’m not feeling full and my basketball appetite hasn’t quite been quenched. But that’s OK, we still have the NBA playoffs coming up next. Last year’s NBA playoffs turned out fantastic, and this year a Kobe/LeBron dream showdown could be the main course.
So yeah, this year’s March Madness as a whole was underwhelming, certainly not up to last year’s tourney. But hey, it was better than the bland, uninteresting salad that is hockey. And we all know you can’t make friends with salad.
I’ve come to look at college sports like I would a hamburger and professional sports as the steak counterpart. College ball is that sloppy, greasy, self-indulgent bacon cheeseburger that you won’t ever leave me feeling quite as content as the perfectly prepared NBA game. Right now, after the relative dullness of the tournament, I’m not feeling full and my basketball appetite hasn’t quite been quenched. But that’s OK, we still have the NBA playoffs coming up next. Last year’s NBA playoffs turned out fantastic, and this year a Kobe/LeBron dream showdown could be the main course.
So yeah, this year’s March Madness as a whole was underwhelming, certainly not up to last year’s tourney. But hey, it was better than the bland, uninteresting salad that is hockey. And we all know you can’t make friends with salad.
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