[etc] Random Upchuckings

• Few things annoy me more than people who slither through a closing door, making sure to avoid holding said door due to some preposterous fear that they might contract some illness. This in turn causes the person behind them to have a door slammed in their face because one jackass decided that they were above the laws of common decency. The only fitting punishment for these overly germaphobic twits would be sterilization.
• On a recent episode of the fantastic It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, the gang tackles the tough topic of sex in the modern world . Now, the show revolved around the social taboos around human sexuality and the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to expressing individual sexuality. OK, I'm just kidding - they found a gloryhole in the bathroom at their bar and they wanted to use so random women would fellate them. Good times...uh...watching the episode I mean, not using gloryholes. Now this got me wondering - if the whole point of a gloryhole is to facilitate anonymous sex between strangers, who was the first? Someone, at some point in the pre-gloryhole years, had to have been drilling holes in random bathroom stall walls and then hoping that some willing stranger on the other side would take the hint and go to town on Cap'n Sunshine. Otherwise, it would have to have been pre-meditated, which would suck. Nobody wins with premeditated gloryholing. Trust me.
• I like Jake Peavy, but I don't LOVE Jake Peavy. He's not a workhorse. He's pitched his entire career in a pitcher's park. And he's had some injury concerns recently. I don't know - I think the Braves should really think long and hard before pulling the trigger on a Peavy trade, especially if it's as proposed (Jordan Schafer / Tommy Hanson / Kelly Johnson). Let the Mets be the Mets and the Phillies be the Phillies. Regroup, exercise Hudson's 2010 option, hope Jason Heyward is the second coming of Albert Pujols and go from there.
• I am rooting for the Rays because when I close my eyes, it almost sounds like those Tampa Bay fans are chanting "Let's go Braves! Let's go Braves!" Ah, I love this game of self-delusion.
• The movie scene has really sucked for some time now. Honestly, when was the last time a really good movie came out? August? They made three more Saw movies in that time. Get cracking Hollywood, my illegal downloading has slowed considerably.
• I want to see James Bond drinking Incredible Hulks in the new 007 movie.
• LaDanian Tomlinson, Willis McGahee, Tony Romo - my top 3 fantasy picks, which is why I am in 9th place right now.
• Sarah Palin was a bad decision as a VP candidate for many reasons, but I find these attacks on her wardrobe expenses to be troubling. Not because they are sexist or anything but because people aren't calling her out for looking like she actually spent $150K on her outfits. I mean, if you're going to floss it, make sure people can tell. What's the point in buying pantsuits from Saks if they look like they were picked up from the newly relaunched Layaway program at K-Mart? Now you not only look out of touch with your "pro-American"/non-elitist base but you come off like you don't know how to spend money, girlfriend. Which is exactly what this country needs - a leader who doesn't know how to get the most out of a budget. At least you can know John McCain will fight tooth and nail to get that $0.25 off his industrial-size Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
• Ladies, if you go out then wake up in the bed of a random stranger - well, you need to ask yourself one question before you make any judgements. Did you get dressed sober? If yes, and you STILL made a conscious decision to wear no underwear - sorry, it wasn't a roofie, it wasn't the alcohol, it wasn't your friends leaving you. So please, embrace your trampiness and just get rid of all your panties...come on you know you want to...here, try this, there's like no alcohol in it at all...I swear...

[mlb] Shea Goodnight!

I'd like to warn you that this will be a long, satisfying "f you" to a couple of regular members of my season-long baseball hate-filled email family. What the 9th Symphony was for Beethoven, so shall this entry be for my baseball hating body of work.

Before going further, however, I'd like to thank certain Mets fans for being man enough to answer the post-loss telephone call. Can't say the same for all the Mets fans I know, however. With apologies to the great Enrique Iglesisas...Baby you can run, baby you can hide, but you can't escape my hate...

Now, let's get down to bidness. Ah, where to begin?????

This weekend Fox Searchlight fittingly released the movie Choke. As the black dude in jail said in the first Harold & Kumar, "The universe tends to unfold as it should..." And yes, you dreadful Mets fans - the universe has reminded you again that your team sucks. They've taken the art of choking to new levels, showing you guys that you support a bunch of LOSERS.

The game itself was interesting. Ollie Perez didn't blow up, but the same problems struck again - they didn't score runs (5 TOTAL over the weekend, which is pathetic), and the Pen, the same one I told you would be hurt by losing Wagner (just wait till I find those emails), blew it again and again and again down the stretch. Lord, the fans were really out of it, expecting the loss the whole time. Even with Beltran's HR, the crowd reaction was more of a "oh thank god" not a "yeah! now let's finish them off!" type thing. Brimming with confidence, eh...Go Met Sox Nation! When Wes Helms, the former Brave, hit the go-ahead HR - the stadium didn't implode as I expected it to. Mets fans had been abused so much, they'd come to expect it. Ouch...that's the mark of a true loser, someone who has let the setbacks defeat them before it's all over. Yes, I think the Mets may have really hurt the team for quite some time. This was a soul-crushing one.

Endy with another great catch that will be nothing more than a footnote for the history books. BTW, you should watch the Braun HR that won it for the Brew Crew; it's electrifying, one of those great sports moments that gives you a chill even if you aren't a fan.

But the icing on it all? The post-game stadium closing ceremony. Talk about an 800-lb gorilla in the room. Woo-hoo, go Mets' glorious past! Please - let's re-live the long-gone glory years and try to forget that, just moments earlier and for the 3rd year in a row, we choked big time!

Given that it was the last game at Shea and all, though, let's re-visit some of my favorite Shea memories, shall we?

2006

This was like the Crane Kick (ed: "Butterfly Kick?" wtf was I smoking when I typed this?) at the end of The Karate Kid, except it was a shot to the face of Carlos Beltran and all the Mets fans in the back were members of the Cobra Kai. Just utter shock.

2007

Yup, there's that look again. Like father, like son...
2008

This is the best part about baseball, passing down generations of tradition. But I really do feel for this kid. It's bad enough being the bastard child of Carrot Top. But to be raised a Mets fan? Talk about adding insult to injury...

It's not all about the losers, though. The winners - the Milwaukee Brewers - had their fair share of fun too. Look at Prince Fielder, who was so overjoyed at the victory, he decided to go film a gay porno afterwards:

At a time like this, I wonder what someone like Chipper Jones, the 2008 NL batting champion and reigning King of Shea Stadium, thinks of the Hindenburg explosions that were the 2007 and 2008 New York Mets. Tell us, Chipper - what did you think of the Mets?

Lastly, just for the sake of completeness: ESPN's Playoff Perctange for the 2008 New York Mets now reads "0.0%"

Mets Fans...I hope you saved the receipt on those playoff tickets!


*drops mic*

This message was sponsored by HateStrong® , makers of HateStrong For Bitches®.

[tv] Californication

Ok, so I finished watching season 1 of Californication. After like 5 episodes, I thought the show was truly excellent. I mean not truly, but it was a worthy distraction. By the end of the show, it became mildly ridiculous. There’s the good looking/troubled/charismatic writer, played by Duchovny, who apparently can get laid without trying. Now he’s hung up on his pseudo ex-wife, which in the hood we refer to as, baby mama. At first, it was funny because of the constant push and pull, teasing and jokes made with the married woman. However, it soon became totally lame because he became obsessed with her and it wasn’t really a joke anymore. Also she’s really not hot at all! I still remember her terrible character/accent from a pretty good movie, Ronin, and before I recognized that, I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her.

Then the season devolves into more hijinx, with the blackmailing, plot machinations and whatnot. Basically just forced story lines for no reason. I’m writing this post because this has become a disturbing trend in this emerging drama/comedy genre. Why do these shows feel like they have to be about something bigger? It should be a guilty pleasure and that’s just about it. Same exact thing happened with Weeds and Entourage, but fortunately it took them more than a season. These are fluff shows and I just want to be fluffed.

Whatever happened to the way it used to be? Did you hear any complaints about Three’s Company? I mean it was about 8solid seasons of the plot being based on misunderstandings and it almost coming out that Jack wasn’t gay. It was ridiculous, but it was funny and simple and didn’t try to be more. Same can be said of Saved by the Bell. Zack has a scheme, A.C. Slater is rival, Screech spills the beans. I think that show went for about 20 years.

Well that’s my rant, I guess I’m just a simple guy who pines for a simpler time, when our plots were consistent, lead women were hot and our homosexuals closeted.

[tv] The Daily Show

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, is really the only TV show that I watch on a regular basis because a. it's funny b. it keeps me informed (sort of). Sure a lot of the stuff is repetitive and sometimes they use out of context material to make their point, which by the way when others do, they mock; however, it still is an excellent show as the rest of the news media a truly exposed for the unbelievable level of stupidity and frivolity that is at the core of what the news has become. Of course the Bush administration is a common and deserved target as well.

Anyway, the reason I mention it is that there’s a decent article in the NY Times about the show and I think it’s worth a read. I wish it would pick on him a bit for some of the laziness that has crept in, but I guess that would be asking too much for a piece that was intended to jerk off the subject or maybe that's just the hater inside of me talking and it's actually a flawless program.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/arts/television/17kaku.html?em

[RIP] Skip Caray, 1939-2008

This post comes a little late. Skip Caray, a HOF broadcaster and a voice synonymous with Atlanta Braves baseball passed away last Sunday. I heard about the news and was in genuine shock, which at the time, I thought to be very strange. I mean, this was TBS' first season without any Braves games since I was born, let alone actually a Braves fan. So this season, I had MLB.tv but the broadcasters they have were a far cry from TBS' classic Four Horsemen - batterymates Skip Caray and Pete Van Wieren and their counterparts Joe Simpson and Don Sutton. I missed the TBS guys, but hey no using crying over things you can't change, right? I mean, I barely noticed who was calling the games, just that it wasn't quite as good as it used to be. Well, over the last week, my tune has changed.

Losing Skip Caray has been, in many ways symbolic of the end of an era for me and millions of Braves fans. It seems like ages ago when we were head and shoulders above the rest of the NL and things aren't the same anymore. Hearing Skip's calls now just remind me of summers gone by, a cold drink in hand and listening to that old familiar "Braves win! Braves win!" brings back some fond memories.

A few things have come up that have brought me right to the point where I may have to break the #1 rule for America's pasttime. You know, that one about "no crying in baseball." First, we have this blog entry from Bomani Jones, a sportswriter and frequent ESPN.com contributor (who also happens to be a huge fan of "The Wire") and Braves fanatic, sharing his poignant and far-more-eloquent-than-I-could-hope-to-be thoughts.
Choice snippets:

• What’s interesting, though — none of the Braves broadcasters from TBS get any love when people talk about the great voices of baseball. Maybe it’s because they aren’t the best. Skip’s nasal tone doesn’t do it for a lot of people, and the broadcast teams seemed to fade into the background of most games.
• That, to me, is what made those broadcasts so good. There has never been a less obtrusive set of announcers than Skip, Pete Van Wieren, Don Sutton and Joe Simpson. They know what they were talking about, but the game always took center stage. Nothing ever felt forced, and never was there a distraction to stop you from being able to enjoy the game. Somehow, they’ve never gotten proper credit for that.

Amen, Mr. Jones.

Second, we have a visibly shaken Ernie Johnson presenting a Turner Sports tribute to the man. It was both heartwarming and heartbreaking to watch for me.

I wish I could express it better, but Skip Caray was the voice of my childhood and it breaks my heart that he's gone. Anyone who knows me well knows I live and die with Braves baseball and I owe much of that to Skip and the rest of the old TBS crew.

RIP Skip - you were the best of the best and you've helped change my life forever. Thank you.

TV Roundup

OK here's what I'm watching and why I'm watching it:

Generation Kill - smartly written, produced and created by the same people who brought us the best television series ever, "The Wire," Generation Kill takes a similar uber-realistic approach to a touchy subject. This time, it's not the war on drugs in a torn-down city, its the war on terror in a torn-down country, i.e. the latest Iraq war. But yeah, I recommend it, though you should know that each episode in this miniseries is over 1 hour long and it does require a commitment. But like The Wire, the commitment pays off and you get ever further engrossed in it. And I like that the show doesn't use cheesy tactics like ominous music or character caricature to influence our decisions...it shows us the events and lets us use our own judgement to decide what we think. That is what separates good entertainment from popular entertainment. And remember - today's entertainment is tomorrow's art. Let's just hope our future generations judge us on shows like this instead of, say, American Idol.

Peep Show - I actually never saw this on TV because it's British and I've had to watch online. This was recommended to me by my brother/carbon copy and whaddya know, the kid has good taste. The funniest moments in this show are some of the most ridiculous, over-the-top, side-splittingly good scenes to ever grace your telly. Just watch for the crack-smoking, girlfriend-banging greaseball of perfection that is Super Hans.

Reality Bites Back - A show on Comedy Central that takes a bunch of low-name stand-ups and puts them in reality show rip offs, e.g. The Biggest Loser --> The Biggest Chubby, where contestants have to gain weight. Hardly thought-provoking or groundbreaking, but The Biggest Chubby featured this line by the contestants' personal trainer: "Get that hamsicle in your mouth, bitch!" And yes, a hamsicle is exactly what it sounds like.Fantastic. If you're not going to stretch the limits of art, at least stretch the limits of decency and they do in spectacular fashion.

Mad Men - A show that decidedly veers artistic instead of orgiastic. But yes, I like it a lot because it harkens back to a time (1960) when men were men - they smoked, cursed, drank, and slept around. Women? They were exactly what men told them to be. Now I know that sounds misogynistic but I don't really intend it as such. That's because the show takes place at the point in American history where the old school and new school collided in a way that wasn't seen again until the landmark case of AI vs. Jordan's ankles. But don't get me wrong, there's definitely a twinge of longing from me. A wish that, if only for a day, we could go back to the old rules and that attractive secretary I've had my eye on not only could be mine, but would have to be mine because that was part of the job description. Ah, everybody talkin' bout the good ol' days...

Shabadu (Lead Couch Potato)

The K Zone 7.26.08

Fuck - I got black out drunk and I can't remember what happened after like 1:30am.

I DO remember my friend's girl telling me that her friend, if she didn't have a boyfriend, would hook up with me. Too bad her boyfriend was at her side while saying this. But maybe some groundwork was...ahem...laid.

So I woke up this morning with my contacts in, half my clothes still on, and the contents of my pockets - $6 in singles, 3 pieces of Winterfresh, and a wallet sans debit and/or credit cards - strewn across my floor. Plan A for the night was set into motion a long, long time ago; however, do to a case of bad timing, that fell through. So earlier this week, I launched a precarious Plan B. But as somewhat expected, that didn't materialize. So yeah, the events of last night were not what I had in mind but when Plan B fell through, I guess Plan BAC took over. Let's hope that something positive came from yesterday...but I'm not counting on it.

Kids: Don't drink - ever.

The K Zone

Gentlemen (I presume no ladies would waste their time on such dreck),

If this is your first time reading this blog and you have no significant interactions with me prior, you may be shocked to hear this: I am the unabashed king of strikeouts. I am the Nolan Ryan of strikeouts, just light years ahead of my peers. And I don't mean it in a good way - my strikeouts are legendary because of their embarassing nature and I am damn fucking proud of it. I mean, anyone can stike out here and there, but to do so on a regular and on such a spectacular basis? Well dear readers, I feel I am one of a kind.

Tonight, for example, I went out for drinks with friends not too far away from work and not too far away from home. In an series of unfortunate (or fortunate) of events, I ended up at an open bar for a girl I did not know well but I did manage to get cockblocked from by her 6'4" redneck brother previously on the 4th of July. Now normally, that would be bad enough. But not for me, that was only the tip of the iceberg. For you see, also at this open bar was a co-worker of a very close friend. Now the deal (come on, you knew there was deal) with this one was that she had denied me less than 2 weeks prior after insisting to my friend FOR 3 MONTHS that should I ask her out. So I did, thinking that I somehow had cracked the fucking Sphinx code to the female brain, but lo and behold, I got denied. Well, here I am, standing with a Black & Tan in hand, watching these two succubuses that had both denied me in July. So I didn't know exactly what these she-devils were up to - were they in cahoosts? was God just fucking with me? when would my dry spell end? - but I anticipated it would be a fun ride. And yet, it turned out to be anticlimactic. Girl 1, the formerly sure thing, the coworker of my friend, turned out to be OK to hang out with (which, along with her phat ass, is why I was into her in the first place) and Girl 2 didn't even remember me, though she kept making those googly eyes at me all night that drunk white bitches tend to do. The only good that came out of the whole night is was the launch of this regular blog update. Coming up next will be my first real-life encounter with an unabashed and ridiculously drunk coke whore. I got a free cigarette and a slice of pizza out of that one, which was one of the better end results.

And also, coming up this week is the b-day party of very good friend. To get an idea of the what I expect from this party - 2 years ago, at the celebration for this kid, I was completely blacked outl, hooked up with a random chick, and climbed into my friends' place @ 6:30am ala Jack Bauer...last year, I apparently took advantage of a girl, though I contest that charge given that my BAC was approximately 0.30. If you're blacked out, it doesn't count, right occifer? This year, all bets are off. Worry not, an update awaits.

Summa, summa, summa time

[film] "The Dark Knight"

Ok, so I really liked the movie and I think I want to watch it again as it was fun and I want to catch things in more detail, perhaps even in IMAX. However I was suckered in by the hype and the reviews. It’s probably the best super hero movie of all time, but it’s not really that amazing a “real movie”. Let’s keep it informal ok?


Disappointed: Christian Bale – This is my guy, but I wish he got to play Bruce Wayne more than Batman. That suit and the voice machine or whatever really hurts him. He’s such a great actor, but it’s like MJ trying to play with a 50 pound ball and chain shackled to him or the other MJ with AIDS, sure it's him, but not the same. Bruce Wayne is probably every guy’s fantasy, he is THE man. I always preferred Batman to Superman, because even though Superman obviously has the better powers, Batman gets to be Bruce Wayne, Superman has to be Clark Kent, no contest.


Thought was great – Aaron Eckhardt. Everyone is on Heath Ledger’s jock, but what about Aaron Eckhardt as Harvey Dent? I thought this performance was masterful. When he became Two Face, the costume design/CGI was totally badass. Although I guess I really didn’t understand too much why he was so mad at James Gordon, that kinda didn’t make sense. He should’ve really been out to seek vengeance on the Joker, but whatever I’ll let that slide, because I think he gives the best performance. I wish he didn’t die and they could have used him for the next installment.


Gordon – He had the same exact haircut as Bale, there were like 5 times I thought it was Bale when they were showing a Gordon scene and showed the back of his head first, the stache gave it away quick, but still… His character was weak (my lead comment was about his hair cut, should say something) – the whole faking his death thing was a little retarded. Gary Oldman is a good actor, one of my fave roles is him as the hijacker in Air Force One. I’m a little disappointed with his performance.


Maggie Gyllenhaal – Awesome! One of my favorite actresses, she was a 98% improvement over Katie Holmes. Ok so she’s not really “hot” in the traditional sense, but there is something about her, cute but a bit off (in a good way)… Anyway, great performance. I still think of her performance in "The Secretary", if you haven't seen it yet, do it now, thank me later.


Morgan Freeman/Michael Caine – Caine was decent, Freeman was passable, but that’s the best I can say about him. Enjoy the money fellas.

Good – Heath Ledger. He was more scary than funny, unlike Nicholson, who was more funny than scary. However, he did find ways to inject some humor into his role, I appreciated it. Not much I can say here that hasn’t been said elsewhere. However, I don’t think his performance warrants a “best actor” nomination, maybe “best supporting actor”, but not “best actor”. The only posthumous award he should be getting is from Philip Seymour Hoffman, who should do the right thing and give up his Oscar because Ledger got stiffed a couple years back. He should’ve also gotten the Oscar, hiyo! Sorry couldn't resist, $1 Jay Leno.

Other – cut out about 30 min, it’s too long. Has the director ever gone to a ballet? The ballerinas depicted in the movie looked, um structurally unsound, real ballerinas are built like gymnasts. Not that I'm complaining, but wondering if it was an inside joke or something.

The citizens – bad job, shame on all of you. Really, you want to give up Batman to the Joker because he’s caused your problems? You ungrateful bit*hes. WTF, I just don’t get it, hasn’t he cleaned up your streets and now he’s the bad guy because the Joker says so? Bah!


I’m sure I’ll think of more things, and perhaps have an update if I see it again, but that’s it for now.

Ubrnoodle
Lead Film Critic – The No Homers Club

The Dark Knight - Shabadu's review (rhyming not intentional)

First, the disclaimer. I moved to this country when I was 3 years old. For my first Halloween, at age 4, my 3 older female cousins decided to dress me up as a girl. I had no say in the matter and needless to say, that Halloween sucked balls. At age 5, when I was in kindergarten, I had my chance at revenge. I got to pick my own costume. Ah so much to choose from...cowboys, Ghostbusters, firemen, racecar driver...and lo...look at this...Superman! But wait...what is this...why, it is...the Batman. And so yes, I chose Batman over Superman. Since then, along with the help of a few select comic books and the single best superhero cartoon ever, Batman: The Animated Series, the Caped Crusader became my super of choice. Sure, he wasn't borne out of some nuclear blast or radioactive lizard bite or even from another planet - but that was precisely what made him cool. He was a regular guy (well, a regular billionaire) who wanted to kick ass and did precisely that. So yeah, I went into this movie with some history, and I really, realy wanted to like it. My expectations were high.

You know that feeling when there's so much tension and pressure building and when it all comes to a head, you're either left feeling invigorated or completely let down? Happens ALL the time in sports, lots of times with the opposite sex, and yeah, even some of the time with films. In situations like this, there's no middle ground. We put ourselves in those positions where 50% of the time, we're left dejected and distraught...but we know that the other 50% of the time, pure bliss awaits. Well, as far as movies go, that's what I felt throughout this movie. There was a smile carved into my face from the opening shot to the first credit. It wasn't flawless - a little long - but I can honestly say that considering this movie received as much, if not more hype than anything since Titanic, it's a minor miracle that the review above me is the first one that I've read that hasn't gushed over it.

Sidebar: Keep in mind the prior reviewer's taste, dear readers. For you see, Ubrnoodle prides himself on watching "films" not movies. He is a film snob, the type who chooses movies based on how few screens it plays on, the same type of person who would chide you for bumping Jay-Z's new record instead of the latest B-side by Black Thought (the irony, of course, is that Ubrnoodle is the anti-music snob, he loves the mainstream Jay-Z and has no idea who Black Thought is, but I digress).

Now, here's my opinion on different facets of the Dark Knight experience:
The Movie: the single best superhero movie ever. This was a movie for adults that happened to be based on a comic book. But not "for adults" in the way that Sin City was. As a regular movie, no, you won't find symbols about the materialistic soullessness capitalism breeds or some other stupid shit that poor/self-important people have time to waste thinking about. I would put this in the class of a Bourne movie, which is an action film with brains. Now, a Bourne movie won't win any Oscars, but it's damn fun and that's ultimately one of the reasons we watch movies to being with. And there are legitimate questions the film about "purpose" - which is really what all the best novels and films try to answer or at least explore. But yes, I saw the movie twice and definitely noticed the extra length the second time around thatswhatshesaid. However, even with that, I'd recommend catching this in IMAX - if ever there was a movie that should be enjoyed in that setting, it's this. The sound difference alone is worht the extra $2.

The Acting:
Bale - very good, not great. But to be honest, this was never meant to be Bale's picture. Batman has always been the Dark Knight. Moreseo than any other comic book character, Batman has been about the villains and their story. Gotham is much more fleshed out than any other superhero's city and that's because of how much we know about every villain's background and impetus for action. Begins was all about Batman, TDK was about the Joker first and Two-Face second, with Batman really being the thread that binds.

Eckhart - I agree, I think his performance was underrated. His transformation from the white knight to a shell of shattered do-gooder was almost bilbical, almost Job-like in nature. I think this was underrated, mostly because people saw his role as the reason for the added length of the film and forgot how good he actually was from start to finish.

Gyllenhaal - WAY better than Katie Holmes. Also way less hot, but I'm not a big fan of Katie and the confused, "did someone just fart?" scrunched up face she always makes. This was a good move and they killed the character off too, so that's fantastic.

Caine, Freeman - Elder statesman that just make anything they are in better. And this movie is no exception.

Ledger - I was a believer in this guy after I saw Brokeback. Yes, I saw Brokeback Mountain...and I thought it was pretty damn good. Without Ledger, it would have been that queer cowboy movie. With him, it was a poignant, well-acted, legitimately moving (no, not down there) modern tale of forbidden love. The only other person I thought would have been great for the Joker was the always weird, always interesting Crispin Glover. So yeah...Ledger was a source of disappointment. But the disappointment came from the fact that he will never have a chance to reprise this role. I considered this the best movie villainy since Hopkins in his first turn as Lecter in Silence of the Lambs, even better than Bardem in No Country. The guy would come in screen, have you laughing at something ridiculous he's doing, then you'd start to get a little nervous, and before you know it, he's got a knife in someone's teeth and you're insides were in knots...waiting, dreading, but unable to turn away. He invoked a visceral reaction everytime he was on-screen. I don't know if this was a more difficult role than in Brokeback, but you had to remind yourself that Ledger was in the movie. As long as the character was on-screen, Heath Ledger did not exist...it was simply The Joker, personified. Brilliant performance, brilliant writing for the character, and it's a shame we won't get to see any more of the Joker or any more of Ledger.

The Directing/writing - again, Nolan continues to deliver. He's really put together an extremely impressive list of contemporary classics. And I like that he doesn't seem to work on the standard fare that the Academy seems to love, i.e. epics, period pieces, stories about the retarded. He just makes tense, thoughtful, engrossing movies and I'm really hope he's at the helm for the next Batman. He and Bale are really the Dynamic Duo.

Oh yes, please say no to Robin for the next one.

Best overall experience I've had in a long time at the movies. Overall, thought it was a fantastic, fun film - exactly what you want in a movie like this. If you were looking forsomething else, I have to ask - why so serious?

The Art of Sports

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&sid=aeRmNFd5S.Ps&refer=home

This article by Michael Lewis (of Moneyball and Liar's Poker fame) is the latest entry into a long debate over the athletic merits of golf, and more importantly, how do we define essence of a sport. But perhaps most importantly, why do we care so much about what we universally agree to be, at its core, an organized game?

In discussing Lewis' op-ed piece, it is almost impossible to consider the piece without making note of several key "themes" that may influecnce a particular person's judgement, including economics, race, class, and age...

This will be an ongoing discussion, I'm just throwing out the topic and the impetus for said discussion right now. I also plan on speaking about the absolutely brilliant, classy match that was the 2008 Men's Singles Final at Wimbledon, which I think based on the reaction around the tennis world and the sports world as a whole, can lay claim to being one of the greatest exhibitions in recent sports memory.

Power Rankings

1. Katherine Heigl -Her performance in “Knocked Up” was truly landmark, a tour de force. If this was what the Aryans were fighting for, well… let’s move on.

2. Megan Fox - Pros: Those eyes, that mouth… Cons: you can only do so much with a face, body not quite as up to par as the vaunted Heigl.

3. Adriana Lima - Still hot, historically number 1, but what have you done for me lately? Not sure how she’s struggling to keep up with Giselle as the hottest Brazilian export.

4. Charlize Theron – Let’s just say I’m willing to forgive the white South Africans. They didn’t do anything that bad, right?

5. Scarlet Johannson – Hands down the most talented of this group. Funnily enough she played a Brooklyn J*w in Woody Allen’s “Scoop”. If they actually made J*ws like her, I think we could have peace in the middle east by next Wednesday.

6. Jessica Alba – If it weren’t for lists, where would her career be? Has anyone done less with more? She’s the Jeff Francouer of actresses.

7. Emanuelle Chriqui - She’s the girl next door version of Megan Fox.

8. Rhianna – the most palatable of the young hos. Altho you have to wonder, how many rappers/studio execs have “been there, done that”. The Over/Under is set at 22.

9. Eva Mendes – I think she’s Cuban. That reminds me, why aren’t we doing more to help out the Cubans? They are all this hot right?

10. Monica Bellucci – Just had to give some props. Old, I know but nobody has aged this well since Barry Bonds.

Honorable mention: Mariah Carey (aka crazy ass Mariah Carey), Britney Spears ( I’d still hit it) and Eva Longoria (I don’t like you as much as everyone else, but if you asked nicely…)

Shabadu's List

1. Charlize Theron - On Arrested Development, she played the best-looking, most inspiring mentally handicapped person since Corky from "Life Goes On." Now that's acting - Charlize I mean, Corky wasn't all right in the head I believe.

2. Scarlett Johannson - I'm not sure if I spelled her name right, but she makes me want to watch more Justin Timberlake videos. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but her bewitching powers are second-to-none. Plus she's brought out the best in Woody Allen lately. Respec'.

3. Marissa Miller - Mmmmm mmm, she is right at the point of almost being in too good of shape. But when you are at that point, and not beyond it, it's like drinking hot chocolate on a cold winter day that doesn't scald you. It's juuuuuust right.

4. Heigl - you said it, Knocked Up made it very clear who we're dealing with. But I still can't watch that crap Grey's Anatomy.

5. Alessandra Ambrosia - easily the sexiest name on the list, and quite possibly the most beautiful face around. Loses some points for being a little skinny. That's right ladies, I like em real, thick and juicy. And jaw-droppingly gorgeous.

6. Alba. This picture is worth a top 10 place in my opinion (NSFW). Loses some points for the recent pregnancy. As the saying goes - no fat chicks.

7. Megan Fox - stunning, just a little something off about her. Seems too pornstarish, like she's overly done up.

8. Josie Maran - OK, hasn't done much for me lately, but still young enough and certainly attractive enough to live off some of her goodwill. I'll always have a hard spot for her.

9. Angelina Jolie - Come on, Megan Fox gets props for looking like her. Props to the original exotic supercrazy superhottie.

10. Adriana Lima - Would be higher if she weren't engaged to Marko Jaric and if I didn't know that Marko Jaric was going to take her alleged V-Card. Well...she's Brazillian, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's already been allowed to commit a backcourt violation or two.

Lifetime Achievement award: Heidi Klum. Seriously, she's been around for like 15 years and is still gorgeous. She's the new Heather Locklear (who is still pretty damn hot at 46). 2nd place on this list would go to Jenny McCarthy. She's held up better than Carmen Electra and certainly Pam Anderson. Plus she's crazy too. And 3rd place would be Mariah. All-time looney toon, but she manages to stay in that "hot enough and I think if I were able to hang out with her, I could bang her" area after all these years. Nick Cannon...seriously?

Gripes: Rihanna? Come on now, that's just being short-sighted. I'd put Nicole Scherzingaslkdghl;lakshder and Katherine McPhee ahead of her for Music chicks. Though I do like what she's done with the short hair look. Not everone can pull it off, so props for that. And Emannuelle Chiriqui? Cute, but 1 classic episode of Entourage isn't enough in my opinion.

[nba] Well, Shaq, I'd guess it's "like chicken"

http://www.tmz.com/2008/06/23/shaq-attacks-kobe-you-ruined-my-marriage/

Haha, funny stuff from the Big Diesel. But I do have to say, the references to Biggie are just silly, even though the N-O-T-O-R-I-O-U-S probably didn't have a black belt in Shaq Fu. But silly is better than downright disturbing. Something tells me this wasn't the first time Shaquiiiiille "Like a pig" O'Neal wanted that question answered. I'm hoping that's the first time he asked it of the Kobrizzle, though. Can you imagine being in that crowd at the time - "yeah, son, Kobe...what now, bitch? word, kid, how you like the taste-a dat. Unnnngh!" There's been entirely too much talk about man ass around this parts, by the way. I am putting my food down - no more man ass talk for 2 weeks!

In unrelated NBA news, the Olympic starting 5 looks like it will be Dwight Howard, Carmelo, LeBron, Kobe, and Chris Paul. Not quite the '92 Dream Team, but I ain't gonna lie - I think there was some movement down there at the sight of that lineup.

[life] Gym etiquette

I like going to the gym. I like going because 1) it's something to do that won't leave me in bed until 2pm on a Sunday, 2) it keeps me in shape (well, a shape) and 3) the ratio of good-looking women to not good-looking women is considerably higher than in real life. Now the first two are your standard, obvious reasons. The 3rd reason, though, complicates things considerably. Now when I go work out, I am singularly focused - I put on my headphones and crank up the beats, break out a sweat, and sneak subtle glances at the gyrating, sweaty bodies in the yoga class in front of me. The key to this, of course, is that you can't be eyeing them up and down openly - gentlemen, you need to use reflective surfaces. That's actually the key to ogling, no matter what the situation (save for a strip club). So when you go to work out, make sure you pay attention to those reflexive glances.

Now, for you steroid munchers out there...yeah, you know who you are. Relax with the grunting. Wear a little more clothing - I'd like to leave without the silouhette of your man-parts burned into my corneas. And lastly, please, if you insist on using those freakish 100lb dumbbells, please put them back when you are finished; I can't risk the chance that the well-toned, tan blonde I was mirror-ogling might catch me having to roll your weights out of the way.

[mlb] Anger rising...

The Braves, the bane of my existence, just flat out suck. They suck in a historic fashion. Never before has a team done so well peripherally and sucked so badly when it counts, i.e. close games, especiall close road games. It's almost as if it is in our DNA now. So what's causing this team, which has the 2nd best ERA in the NL and a strong offense, to suck so much? Let me count the ways...

1) The bullpen - so far, we've lost our closer (Soriano) and our best setup man from last year (Moylan). That's not a light loss. I know some of you out there who are reading don't know much about any teams without the ol' "NY" logo on their hat, so allow me to analogize (don't worry, baby, I'll be gentle). This is akin to losing Mo and Joba or Wagner and Sanchez. It's not easy to account for. So now we have Mike Gonzalez back and that's something. But the team may have let the atrocious 1-run record seep into its pores at this point. Now, it's a self-defeating prophecy. Up 1, on the road, in the 8th or 9th, I have ZERO confidence we can win. ZERO. I turn off the game tracker when I'm at work around this team because the outcome is already a given. That kind of team cannot win the division, let alone the WS.

2) The injuries - I touched on this with the bullpen, but the injuries are really just unreal. Smoltz? Done. Moylan? Done. Soriano? Possibly done. And then the significant injuries - Kotsay, Glavine, Diaz, Prado and yes, Bitch Tits McGee...er...Hampton. It's practically unfair. We were hurt by injuries last year, so the Homeboys in the Front Office made a point to build our depth. And now our depth is non-existent. What the fuck is going on here? Somehow, Chipper Jones has managed to stay relatively healthy, so maybe if he hits .400 this won't suck as much. Ok, probably not.

3) The underperformers - Listen here, Frenchy, you stupid grinning piece of shit. This was supposed to be your year - even the statheads were on your bandwagon! The reliable Joe Sheehan even chose you as his breakout player this year and what do you do? Regress...badly. You're not even clutch anymore. I can't remember the last time I felt like your performance in the clutch offset your otherwise sucky hitting, which used to be the case much of the last 2.5 years. Now...nada. Fuck you Frenchy. Maybe you should have signed an extension when it was offered to you. Let me paint a picture for you: you beefed up so you could hit 40hrs and get a fat contract but that hasn't happened, so now you are pressing and it's getting even worse. And Tex? God, I loved you while you were raking, but I've never really felt like you were a Brave. If this thing completely falls apart before the ASB, I will personally drive your ass out of the ATL on July 31 because there is absolutely NO way you should still be on the team. Our farm would be the 2nd best in baseball if ol' Jonny boy didn't try to go for broke in his last year at the helm of this ship. Speaking of....

4) The management - Bobby, I love you, you are an institution, but sometimes change is good. Some of your old school management is great - will always remember the way you got tossed protecting JAIIIIIIIIIR JURRRRRRJENS at Shea - but other times, you rely on "your guys" too much. Sometimes you just need to bench a sucky player and not pitch a sucky reliever. And the overworking guys? How does everyone see this but you don't? Have you been hanging out with Dusty Baker? Did Joe Torre tell you about how great it feels to kill a reliever, like he did/does with Proctor? Stop that shit now Bobby. My patience wears thin, old man. Don't make me slap you...haha, just kidding, I know how you feel about that.

So there it is, I offer no solutions, just an explanation of the situation. The only solace is that despite all this, our team is still better off than the Mets. They are a team in disarray, though a winning streak might cure what ails them. Funny, you'd think we might be able to get one of those going when WE ARE PLAYING THE WORST TEAM IN BASEBALL AT HOME AND THEIR STARTER LEAVES AFTER 4. But no, why would that happen? Instead, we get injuries to Chipper and Yunel. S'naturally.

Fuck I hate baseball.

[tv] Secret Diaries of a Call Girl

(Hot Prostitute + British Humor - Man Ass)^sexual deviancy = good times

--Shabadu